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During my second time at the Loo Erf it became clear to me that I wanted to become a person who would advice other people in which job or study they would fit or help people find out their interests. It had been very hard for me to find a study or job that I was really interested in and that I felt good about. so of course I knew that there were people helping me, and others who had trouble choosing their job and study. I felt that because of my experiences this could be the job for me. Of course there might have been schools for this closer to my parents home, but I didn't even look into that. for my own independance it felt better to go to Deventer. I knew the school and the train station a litle from my second period at the Loo Erf, because of a part of this project was held there. So it had something familiar but also it was far away from home so i needed to learn to think on my feet and find my own solutions to problems instead of calling my parents for help. It really helped me improve myself.
I enjoyed my study very much, especially during the first year where all really seemed to go well and I also enjoyed living on my own. the second year of my study was a whole lot harder, mostly because it was all very theoretically and far away from what I was planning on in my future. It also became harder for me to keep up with the other students, partly because my books often came months too late and also because of me myself. then I got stuck during the lessons where I had to learn how to communicate with my future clients. I had to start over on this subject in the third year. this third year was already a lot better again. Most of the subjects were really about the future job I would be doing and I felt more connected with them again. I also had new energy and in the beginning of the year the books all came on time, that changed during the rest of the year. Communication with clients was still a hard thing for me. Although I finally passed on the final exam on that subject, I just didn't feel good about it. By that time I had had some conversations with my teacher and I had a lot of doubts. During the next year I didn't go to school anymore, maybe once for a test or so, and I was seriously in doubt about this all. In early february 2001 I finally made the decision that, although I loved this study, it was not right for me. I started concentrating on other things such as voluntary work and hobbies and spending time with friends.
Now I am thinking back on this period of my life, I am greatful for having had the chance to do this study even though I didn't make it till the end and I haven't found a job still. Still I sometimes find situations in my life where parts of what I have learned in school come in handy, such as times where I have to write letters or communicate with people. Although the communication part was hard for me, I feel I have grown in this during the last couple of years. I have also met many interesting friendly people who gave me a good time and from some of the teachers I really learned a lot and I am greatful for this.
October 10th 2008